you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
