I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
