3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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