My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
