dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
