The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize