he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
