i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize