my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All the doctor said was why
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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