ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wish my penis had a tongue
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
