Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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