Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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