Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
