Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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