i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
