I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
