Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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