I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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