my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
