I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drake has all the answers
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
