god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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