Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
