Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
