I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
