you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
