For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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