it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize