Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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