you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
