real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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