Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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