Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
