dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
