mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
