If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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