Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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