shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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