i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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