Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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