I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
