Already got asked if we're dating
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
