Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
