I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
