the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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