i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize