I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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