Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
