i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
