is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
