I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my sisters under your porch take her home
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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