I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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