just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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