she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
