my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
