I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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