Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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