So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
