I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
