I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
