4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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