Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
