If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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