I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What a dumb baby whore.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
